People Pleasing and Your Inner Peace

by Solvita Bennett on October 29, 2011

How To Stop 'People Pleasing' and Reach Inner Peace NOW…

"Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds."

Albert Einstein

…Dear Friend,

  • …Do you feel frustrated when you are being ignored by others?
  • …Do you think being liked is important?
  • …Do you do everything you can to please others?
  • …Do you have a fear of rejection?
  • …Is recognition to you more important than the life you are called to live?

…In today's article I'm going to give you some guidance on how we can stop pleasing people and be OK with not being liked… Just imagine my friend what could we become when our need of recognition, pleasing others and being liked wouldn't be there?

… Since childhood we are trained by others to please them or we would lose some rewards. We therefore try hard to please people and slowly but surely lose our own way. We get so attached to the opinions of others, to the extent that it becomes our main goal to please others.
…When you are trying to please others you are sabotaging your own identity, as you are everything to everybody and at the end of the day you haven't lived your life on your terms. You also create suffering for yourself in the process as you won't be in alignment with your higher authentic self.

…There are nearly 7 billion people on this planet and trying to please or being liked by all is a ‘Mission Impossible’ as simple as that! 😉
There will be people who like you and there will be also those who don’t. To fight and gain the ‘likes’ from people who don’t like you, is a waist of your valuable time my friend. When you become more successful and more confident about what you do, you will also find more people who originally liked you start to become resentful – this is normal. As soon as you can demonstrate better abilities, more focus and achieve more you are also highlighting to some insecure people their own short falls.
… You are part of the Universe and so you are always loved and appreciated, the need to be liked is not what your higher self needs. This can come only from ego, which can often be insecure. When you are in alignment with your higher-self you will feel being loved and liked every time…
This habit of 'people pleasing' was one of mine for a long time, which I picked up from my childhood. My father would very rarely praise me so I was desperate to have some approval from him. I did well at school as I noticed it was the only way he would praise me. Only later in life did I realized it doesn’t matter how well I do, there always will be some people who will not approve of what I do. This used to bother me a lot until I learned to accept and be OK with…

Let's Look at 5 Ways Which Will Hinder People From Liking Us…

  • #1 We can be too desperate to be liked. We try too hard and it shows. People feel desperation and it creates an opposite effect.
  • #2 We have a fear of not being liked. Fear is like a magnet and if this is what we fear, this is what we will attract for sure.
  • #3 We place our focus more on people who don’t like us and ignore those who do. It is the same when we can recall so much easier our misfortunes rather than think of our fortunes. It is important to REFOCUS. So instead of focusing on those who don’t like you, place your focus on those who do. :) The more we can ignore people who don’t like us the less they are going to appear in our reality. We attract what we focus on – like MAGNETS.
  • #4 We need approval from others. We are looking outside for approval to what we do. Stop doing this my friend! Often people don’t know themselves what their life’s purpose is, so how will they truly know if what you do or are going to do is good or bad? It is only between you and God, Universe or Source and not between you and them… Rise above this need and approve YOURSELF!
  • #5 We are disappointed and angry when people ignore us. Well you can only be in charge of yourself and not of charge of what others do or feel, so when you can transmute the feeling of frustration, anger, discouragement in situations like this – MAGIC will happen. You will become more confident, self-assured and powerful. When you have situations like this, challenge yourself to feel at PEACE, appreciative – no matter what! It can be difficult at start, but every time similar situations arise, use this as a training for your character. You will see how these kinds of situation will appear less and less, once you've learned the art.

Is what others want for you in alignment with what you want? If it's not and you still try to please, stop and take time to think. You have to learn to say NO and have boundaries.
Be and treat people the way you like to be treated by them. If you don't see anything nice in others, how do you think others can like you? People can feel energy and you can train yourself to find divine in every person. It can be hard at first but becomes a second nature, when practised.

When we become more relaxed about the need to be liked, we will see others become more relaxed and positive towards us.

The key is to look within when you feel your outside situations are not working out. When you are doing your part and feel at peace with yourself and others, then you should never worry about people who don't like you. You are not here to fix them and just be OK with not being liked.

Whenever you feel discouraged or ignored by others just say to yourself: "I AM" feel the connection with your higher self, which is ultimately connected to the Universe, God or Source. Feel the positive energy of courage joining you. Just rise above with the power of your Will.

Your well being and identity is more important than what others think about you my friend. What really matters is what you think of yourself. Whenever you lose your way, you can find it again. Be yourself my friend. You are loved and appreciated always, look within…
Let’s do this together!

Please share your thoughts in the comment section below. I'd love to hear from you! :)

________________________________

  Solvita Bennett is sharing her wisdom with people from different backgrounds to find their Inner Peace and Happiness. With more than 20 years of study and practice of Personal Growth coupled with more than 10 years experience in professional teaching gives her the ability to share her ‘Secrets to Inner Peace’ in a Simple, Easy and Practical way.

Research shows that more than 95% of people lead their lives with worry. Don’t let this happen to you! Get your FREE copy of her Special Report “7 MASTER KEYS TO SOLVE THE WORRY" now.

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{ 55 comments… read them below or add one }

Hughie Bagnell October 30, 2011

Thank you Solvita…it is very important for us to feel our ‘positive energy of courage’, to be aware of what creates this energy for us, and be in alignment with the Universe, God and our Source(s)…Excellent article Solvita! …Hughie

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Solvita Bennett October 31, 2011

Thank you Hughie! Yes – when we can train our mind to recognize that power and draw from it… well people would never feel down ever, nothing could really stop them!!

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denny hagel October 30, 2011

Great article! Many of these traits are a result of parenting approaches from the past…which is why today’s parents must raise their children with a strong sense of personal power and responsibility! Thanks for shedding light on this important topic!

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Solvita Bennett October 31, 2011

Yes Denny ~ it is influencing us!! I came from no parents or “BAD” parents background… so there is a hope for everyone whatever age or circumstance ~ this is what I know and believe in very strongly …

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Jennifer Bennett October 31, 2011

What a great article Solvita! I truly believe that the trap of “people pleasing” holds so many back and this really saddens me. Whenever a dream has been placed on our hearts, there are going to be those who disagree with us and if we truly want to see our dreams come about, we have to not worry about what others think. Thanks for brining this topic to the light! Many blessings to you!

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Solvita Bennett October 31, 2011

It saddens me too Jennifer ~ we are not here to follow every time we are also here to be leaders in what we are gifted in… when we let us be influenced by others on every step… well we have to listen to our higher self very quietly and with respect :)

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Michele October 31, 2011

Solvita,
Great observations about human behavior. It is often difficult, for so many reasons, to just be. Pusing too hard puts pressure on others and no one likes that, The result is you might actually lose a potential friend. Having faith in yourself and your ability to have friends can be a fine balance, but with the understanding that you so eloquently describe, the process can happen organically.
Once again, Thanks for a great post.

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Solvita Bennett October 31, 2011

It can be organic as you say ~ nothing happens over night as much as we want to think it does! However we can do a lot with our beliefs and there is so much for us just waiting to be recognized…Thanks Michele for stopping by! :)

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Anastasiya Day October 31, 2011

Another great article Solvita! I agree it is very important for us to feel our ‘positive energy of courage’. Thanks for sharing :)

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Solvita Bennett October 31, 2011

If you can get the positive energy of courage Anastasiya ~ you will see many doors open before you ~ you never knew existed! Thanks a lot for your comment! :)

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AJ November 1, 2011

Trying to please everyone is the fastest way to drive yourself crazy!
Great tips Solvita!
-AJ

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Solvita Bennett November 1, 2011

Absolutely AJ and people still manage to do it, lose their way, stop trusting their own opinion ~ just crazy! … Thanks for stopping by!

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AnnaLaura Brown November 2, 2011

Wow, if you didn’t make a statement with this one. Too often we try to compete and compare ourselves to others and it ends up destroying our lives. Thanks for sharing.

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Solvita Bennett November 6, 2011

Thank you Anna! :)

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Nancy Olson November 2, 2011

Great article! I am guilty of many of those points.

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Solvita Bennett November 6, 2011

Yes I am too Nancy! These are based on my own life experiences, and even now I could become guilty not for all people, however for some individual… It is good to check with ourselves if we are in alignment of what we truly want… Thank you!

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Lorrie November 2, 2011

“We place our focus more on people who don’t like us and ignore those who do.”

In 6th grade my teacher had a constant message that other people really know us better than we know ourselves. Instead of helping us to learn awareness to address this sentiment he focused on a more judgmental interpretation. For years afterward I would always pay WAY more attention to those who had a negative reaction to me, thinking they knew something I didn’t. It was only after many years of meditation and relationship angst that I began to see into this myth and change the story.

Good stuff here, Solvita! Thanks.

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Solvita Bennett November 6, 2011

I know Lorrie, it happens so easily especially when we are being influenced by so called athority i.e. a teacher, parent, celebrity… Well I’m glad you are over this and changing the story is the best approach! Thanks for stopping by!

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Kim Garst November 2, 2011

Great article, Solvita! I agree wholeheartedly that we are conditioned to want to try to please others but in reality we are giving away who we are when we become someone else just so someone else will like us. Just be YOU and those that like you are keepers, those that don’t…well that is OK too! Just don’t let it change who you are.

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Solvita Bennett November 6, 2011

Great comment Kim! Thanks for stopping by! :)

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Marie November 2, 2011

Great thoughts, Solvita. I’ll definitely be sharing this with a few people who can use it. It took me many years to recognize I was being driven by a need for approval from certain people. Life is definitely more peaceful since I eliminated that need from my life.

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Solvita Bennett November 6, 2011

Thanks for sharing this. People often need a little reminder to get their life back on track! It is great to see you here!

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Edwina Parker November 2, 2011

Thank you, Solivta. Your insight is a beautiful thing that you share so openly.

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Solvita Bennett November 6, 2011

Thanks for stopping by Edwina. Only openness can heal. When people know that all is fine and they can see the light at the end of the channel, it can make a big shift for them.

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Sherie Venner November 2, 2011

Wonderful article, Solvita! I agree that the solution is to look within and feel the connection with your higher self. When you can do that, the negative beliefs that we hold can fall away and we can act in alignment with our greater good.

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Solvita Bennett November 6, 2011

This is what I call ‘rising above’ and this is what gives freedom and the Truth of any situation in life. Thank you for your great comment Sherie!

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Julie Weishaar November 2, 2011

Hi Solvita, my mother tells me that when I was a little girl and someone did something I didn’t like, or was unkind to me, or something else negative – I would say “It’s their problem and their loss” or something along those lines in childlike terms LOL. I don’t remember that but I certainly do believe her! As an adult, I don’t try to please everyone, but I do try to be there for and please those I love. As I am fortunate enough to have many loved ones around – that can be exhausting! But you are right, we can’t define ourselves by how much we please or do not please others. Thanks so much for sharing your wisdom – again :)

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Solvita Bennett November 6, 2011

Thanks Julie! We can serve others in many ways, pleasing others come from the place of desperation and fear… I think you serve rather than please your loved ones, however it is always good to check with yourself. It is great to see you here!

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Elise Adams @AdamsOrganizing November 2, 2011

This topic is very timely…so many struggle with this and it causes great pain. This is the key I think ‘The key is to look within when you feel your outside situations are not working out.’ Difficult to hear when we’re stuck in the pain yet it’s the only truly hopeful perspective!

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Solvita Bennett November 6, 2011

Yes pain can teach us a lot! Very often people change their way after challenging situations, this is definitelly the case for me. However there are also those who feel stuck and can’t see the way out, which is painful to see. I hope my insights can help people to recognise some blind spots on their way and get them out of the pain. Thanks Elise! :)

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Betty Nelson November 2, 2011

Solvita,
This has been one of the major strongholds in my life and I am so glad you wrote about it. You make some excellent points that I will need to remember. My deepest thanks to you.

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Solvita Bennett November 6, 2011

Thanks Betty! It is lovely to see you here!

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Lizabet Nix November 2, 2011

Thanks for a great post. I enjoyed reading it and being reminded of some important principals.

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Solvita Bennett November 6, 2011

Thank you Lizabet!

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Stephanie November 2, 2011

Number three is the key! I remember in middle school I use to tell myself go where the love is! You could be having fun with people who really care about you! The flipside is living a miserable life. You have a choice!

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Solvita Bennett November 6, 2011

This is true ~ you always have a choice! How wonderful is that? Thanks for stopping by Stephanie!

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Susan Preston November 2, 2011

I absolutely loved this one, Solvita! At one time, those 5 ways would have described me to a tee. After awhile you start to feel like a puppet on a string being pulled in different directions trying to please everyone. In the end, you only feel empty and frustrated. I now have too much self-respect to allow myself to do those. Thank you, for such an inspiring post {hugs}

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Solvita Bennett November 6, 2011

Thanks Susan ~ we all deserve self-respect! :)

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Max M. November 3, 2011

Sometimes you just need a reminder. This post was perfect!

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Solvita Bennett November 6, 2011

Thank you Max!

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Dr. Daisy Sutherland November 3, 2011

Excellent tips Solvita!! I completely agree that trying to please everyone will simply drive you crazy…and this is something we teach our children as well:)

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Solvita Bennett November 6, 2011

Thank you Dr. Daisy!

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Amity Hook-Sopko November 3, 2011

Your advice is always spot-on, Solvita. It reminds me that I’ve learned many of these lessons with time, but as a parent, it’s my job to help teach them to my children. And maybe they won’t have to learn them the hard way :)

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Solvita Bennett November 6, 2011

Absolutely ~ they will appreciate it ~ I’m sure! Thanks for stopping by Amity!

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Peggy Malone November 3, 2011

Thank you Solvita! I totally needed to be reminded of this today :) Great post!

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Solvita Bennett November 6, 2011

Thank you Peggy! :)

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Pauline November 3, 2011

You write, “Is what others want for you in alignment with what you want? If it’s not and you still try to please, stop and take time to think. You have to learn to say NO and have boundaries.”

This is so powerful! Thank you for a timely post on this!

Blessings,
Pauline

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Solvita Bennett November 6, 2011

Thank you Pauline! It is great to see you here!

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Lorii Abella November 3, 2011

Inspirational! Thanks for sharing. Lorii

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Solvita Bennett November 6, 2011

Thanks Lorii!

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Rhonda Uretzky November 3, 2011

People pleasing is a losing game….person pleasing is a winner, when the person is you!

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Solvita Bennett November 6, 2011

Thanks Rhonda!

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Carol Giambri November 3, 2011

Great points Solvita. Surely looking inside is a biggie. Can’t please people as they want more and more of you. Better stop before I write a book here.

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Solvita Bennett November 6, 2011

I know Carol you are a great writer… :) Thanks for stopping by!

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Jennifer November 8, 2011

This is such great advice, Solvita. No one pleases everyone, and you’ll just be miserable, and make those you really want to please miserable, if you try. I agree – just be true to yourself and you will end up with the right circle for you.

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