How to Deal with Negative People and Have Inner Calm

by Solvita Bennett on November 5, 2011

7 Top Tips on How to Deal with Negative People and Have Positive Inner Calm…

"Purity of speech, of the mind, of the senses, and of a compassionate heart are needed by one who desires to rise to the divine platform."

Chanakya

Dear Friend,

… We all know how hard it can be to deal with negative or difficult people in our lives. Today I’ll give you some easy tips, which will help your self-confidence, self-esteem and power when difficult situations arise…

Why do people like conflict and look to create suffering for others?

… We know that when people act from the perspective of their higher-self, they are peaceful, strong and powerful, but never in any way negative and destructive. Negative people are those who either temporary have lost their connection with higher-self or lead their lives mainly from their lower-self perspective completely unaware of doing it. In other words when a person is ego driven, the beliefs, actions will also confirm this perspective in some ways. Ego is lead by fear of loss. So it believes in competition, recognition, status and pride. Also every one of us can from time to time slip into the negative perspective, how long we stay there depends on our own ability of Self-Control – especially when we are tired physically or mentally. Of course the art is to RISE ABOVE and stay in that divine place of POSITIVITY for as long as possible. However we live surrounded by others and when dealing with negative people we also tend to blame ourselves a lot and become negative. We all are human and have real life situations, which we are required to participate in…

Let’s say someone feels unhappy and bored with their life and feels ignored and unloved. So when they do their shopping in a store, their ego suddenly takes over the show and makes life difficult to the people working there with completely unnecessary complaints. So they can feel noticed and important…

There can be countless situations in our lives where we meet with people who are difficult (ego driven) and unreasonable. So how can we respond calmly and keep our positive inner calm?

Let’s look at 7 TOP Tips to Deal with Negative People:

#1  Never rush into responding. Our natural response is to react immediately, however when you are faced with a negative person, the last thing you want is to add more negativity. This is exactly what the person is waiting for. The best way is to delay your response, so you can be calm and confident.

#2 Listen confidently. It is easier to respond and defend our own ego, than to listen confidently till they finish what they have to say.There are many benefits in listening. This will allow you more time to prepare your response, also you will be more clear in your message.

#3 Breathe deeply and stand upright.  It may sound strange. However we have to keep our body under control, and keep calm. When we are under stress we change our breathing and also posture. Keep your breathing deep and relaxed and when you keep your body upright, you will always feel more confident.

#4 Don’t dwell on situations. Especially in an office environment there will be someone who likes to talk negatively about people and there also will be those who like to hear about bad things of others. Don’t dwell in these situations, move on and let those ego driven people rehearse their own ego boosting tactics, without you. My friend You are so much more worthy than to join gossipers and lose your energy and power.

#5 Practise compassion. When you can imagine yourself in their situation, you also gain more insight and understanding. They will have very different life and experience from yours. And you never know, they may be going through a tough period in their lives.

#6 Share your emotions. If you find yourself upset about a situation you had to deal with, you must do something with those negative emotions. It is great when you have a spouse, close friend to talk about negative situations which are bothering you deeply. If you can’t find anyone, write all your emotions on a piece of paper – it will help you to release the pressure. Also a way I find helps is to practise the forgiveness techniques I shared in one of my earlier articles. Don't keep negative emotions deep inside, they will damage your health and increase stress levels. By sharing, will help you to release them and let go.

#7 Respond positively. It really surprises people, when they are going for a fight and receive completely unexpected positive and calm response in return. You will be amazed how negativity can be destroyed by positivity. Sometimes people are only looking for acceptance and understanding.

Love and acceptance are the most powerful weapons against negativity and any difficulty. It is not a weakness to respond positively, it gives you POWER.

"Love one another and help others to rise to the higher levels, simply by pouring out love. Love is infectious and the greatest healing energy."

Sai Baba

… Nothing is more difficult in life than to become a master of Self. However it is in your reach my friend. When you feel that negative people are pulling you down, it is only an indication that you have to take care of yourself. When you feel rested, relaxed and confident in your own skin, others will have less influence over you and you will be able to face any challenges ahead. Take care of yourself first, so you can take care of the rest…

Let’s do this together!

Please share your thoughts in the comment section below. I'd love to hear from you! :)

________________________________

  Solvita Bennett is sharing her wisdom with people from different backgrounds to find their Inner Peace and Happiness. With more than 20 years of study and practice of Personal Growth coupled with more than 10 years experience in professional teaching gives her the ability to share her ‘Secrets to Inner Peace’ in a Simple, Easy and Practical way.

Research shows that more than 95% of people lead their lives with worry. Don’t let this happen to you! Get your FREE copy of her Special Report “7 MASTER KEYS TO SOLVE THE WORRY" now.

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{ 81 comments… read them below or add one }

Hughie Bagnell November 6, 2011

Great article Solvita! Love and acceptance certainly are the most powerful weapons against negativity! Thanks, Hughie

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Solvita Bennett November 26, 2011

Thank you Hughie!

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Anne (Annie) Berryhill November 7, 2011

I love the way you write, I feel calmer every time I read your posts! Thanks for sharing such a powerful checklist. I will keep it handy!

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Solvita Bennett November 26, 2011

I am glad to hear it Anne! Thank you for stopping by!

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pat November 7, 2011

These are 7 great tips that you have given Solvita. Thanks.

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Solvita Bennett November 26, 2011

Thank you Pat!

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denny hagel November 7, 2011

Your tips are excellent! Thanks for sharing and shedding light on effective ways to deal with negative people.

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Solvita Bennett November 26, 2011

Thank you Denny!

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Jandi Theis November 7, 2011

Thanks for sharing these tips! I love the line “It is not a weakness to respond positively, it gives you POWER.” — this is so true!

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Solvita Bennett November 26, 2011

Thank you Jandi for your comment!

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Olga Hermans November 7, 2011

Don’t dwell on situations and don’t dwell on the negative is a great way of living. There are so many good things happening in our life that we can dwell on. Thank you for reminding us!!!

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Solvita Bennett November 26, 2011

Thank you Olga. It is great to see you here!

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Anastasiya Day November 7, 2011

Solvita, brilliant article (as always). Thank you so much for sharing your 7 top tips! Love reading your articles.

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Solvita Bennett November 26, 2011

Thank you Anastasiya!

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Jennifer Bennett November 8, 2011

Love this Solvita! I too have found that when dealing with negative people, the best thing I can do is to not respond right away and to just breath deeply. It truly makes all the difference. Thanks for this reminder…it came at a perfect time!

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Solvita Bennett November 26, 2011

Thank you Jennifer! It is amazing to see you here my friend!

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Kim Garst November 9, 2011

GREAT tips, Solvita! The first one really resonated with me because you are right, your first reaction is to respond immediately. I have a 24 hour rule…wait 24 hours and then respond when I can do so calmly and without so many emotions swirling around :-). Thanks for sharing!

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Solvita Bennett November 26, 2011

Thank you Kim! Such a great rule to have! :)

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Peggy Malone November 9, 2011

Beautiful post Solvita!
I have definitely been quick to jump into a response in these kinds of situations in the past.
I love the reminder to delay, listen, breathe and change posture and then respond positively.
Very powerful, Thank you!

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Solvita Bennett November 26, 2011

Thank you Peggy!

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Antonina Geer November 9, 2011

Just in reading this article I’ve felt calmness. Your writing is beautiful.

I had to learn the hard way (and sometimes still learning, LOL) that being so quick to react is not always the best move when dealing with negative people. It’s always good to take a step back, assess the situation, and choose your response wisely.

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Solvita Bennett November 26, 2011

Thank you Antonina! I love to create calmness for my readers, actually this website is all about it! :)

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Dr. Daisy Sutherland November 9, 2011

Thank you so much for an inspiring and proactive post. There are so many people that are truly hurting and feel all alone …so of course will lash out to have others be as miserable as they are. However, we don’t have to fall prey to those people..the tips you share are wonderful and the one on waiting before reacting is one that many should practice and this world might be a happier place:)

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Solvita Bennett November 26, 2011

Thank you Dr. Daisy! I appreciate your comment!

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Sherie Venner November 9, 2011

You have a beautiful, calming way of writing, Solvita! Just reading your post is powerful and inspirational. Thank you for the tips, my favourite ones are not rushing into responding and don’t dwell on situations. Great advice!!

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Solvita Bennett November 26, 2011

Thank you Sherie! It is great to see you here!

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Julie Weishaar November 9, 2011

Hi Solvita. Very helpful tips. Stand back and count to 3 because there is no “undo” button offline :)

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Solvita Bennett November 26, 2011

Thank you Julie! There is no “undo” button! :)

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Marie November 9, 2011

What a wonderful and timely post. I have a few negative people that I’m not able to eliminate, but I’ve learned to implement many of these points to make dealing with them easier. #1 is probably one of the best–that internal pause button has defused many a situation. And #5. I frequently remind myself that it is not mine to know their whole story, so I must always exercise compassion and not make unwarranted assumptions.

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Solvita Bennett November 26, 2011

Thank you Marie!

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Nancy Olson November 9, 2011

Great tips! Tips that everyone should review! Some people don’t even think they are negative and then you have some that are negative and they do it to get sympathy it seems. Thanks

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Solvita Bennett November 26, 2011

Thank you Nancy! They do get the sympathy, because the most of the population thrives on negativity… however it leads to suffering and pain only as it is against the law of nature. We know the better way!

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Tara November 9, 2011

I always love your posts! I feel good when I read whatever you write! :)
Thanks Solvita!

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Solvita Bennett November 26, 2011

Thank you Tara! :)

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Ronae Jull (@RonaeHOPEcoach) November 9, 2011

Ah, that “listening” thing seems to nearly be a lost art! So many spend the time the other is speaking to draft their response, missing out on real communication!

~RJ, the HOPE Coach

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Solvita Bennett November 26, 2011

Thank you Ronae, this is what people often do, so busy of thinking how to defend our point of view, that they miss the actual message and so are unable to communicate at a high level.

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Alexandra McAllister November 9, 2011

Solvita, I love reading all your posts. I am so calm afterwards! You give such powerful and inspirations articles! You are truly a blessing. Thank you!

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Solvita Bennett November 26, 2011

Thank you so much Alexandra!

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Michael McDonald November 9, 2011

Thanks for the tips. As a former bouncer and doorman in several nightclubs I’ve used a lot of these tips. Specifically body language and responding positively. If you agree and show empathy with someone then it’s less likely they’ll stay negative or mad. Humor is also another way that works in some instances. Now I also use prayer before responding and that works for me.

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Solvita Bennett November 26, 2011

Thank you Michael, prayer is also a good idea, especially if it works for you!

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Rhonda Uretzky November 9, 2011

A very sweet post with practical advice…thank you!

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Solvita Bennett November 26, 2011

Thank you Rhonda!

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AJ November 9, 2011

Great tips Solvita!
Thanks,
AJ

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Solvita Bennett November 26, 2011

Thank you AJ!

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Max M. November 9, 2011

Listening and knowing when to respond is the key to dealing with everyone…not only negative people!

This is all great advice.

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Solvita Bennett November 26, 2011

Thank you Max!

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Mary Kate November 9, 2011

Thanks for another great post, Solvita! Always need reminded to wait before responding ~ Pause, Pray, and THEN Proceed! Love visiting you here ~ keep up the good work!

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Solvita Bennett November 26, 2011

Thank you Mary Kate! Great to see you here! :)

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Jennifer November 9, 2011

Thanks, Solvita, I always try to practice the “react positively” advice that you give. I figure the person doesn’t need any more negativity in his/her life. I know I need to work more on being compassionate and putting myself in the other person’s shoes. I don’t have a lot of patience with negativity because no matter how bad things are, being negative isn’t going to make it any better!

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Solvita Bennett November 26, 2011

Thank you Jennifer! I appreciate your great comment!

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Edmund Lee November 10, 2011

Solvita, I love the article! Higher Self vs. Lower Self.. A great reminder and did I say that I really love your post? All the points resonated with me based on the pure fact what you mentioned in this article is what I’ve been learning/studying for the past year. Awesome =)

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Solvita Bennett November 26, 2011

Thank you Edmund! I’ve been studying this for more than 20 years, the more you know the more you will know that there is more and more to discover… it is truly limitless :)

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Susan Preston November 10, 2011

I absolutely love this article, Solvita. I especially love the last paragraph, that really resonated with me. You are such a great inspiration to not only to myself, but to so many others. Thank you, so much for sharing your wisdom :)

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Solvita Bennett November 26, 2011

Thank you my friend! It is so great to see you stop by! :)

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Lauryn Doll November 10, 2011

This is an amazing post that radiates with truth.

The first rule is so golden. Sometimes we have the biggest urge to share what’s at the top of our mind before anything else, and we’re responding from the ego before we respond from common sense and peace.

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Solvita Bennett November 26, 2011

Thank you Lauryn!

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Beau Henderson November 10, 2011

Its so important to get the negativity out by talking or writing it down. When we dont vent it comes out in other ways which only hurts us.

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Solvita Bennett November 26, 2011

Thank you Beau! This is true ~ it shows that we are weak and also hurts us!

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Gina Parris November 10, 2011

Oh what beautiful tips. I love what is possible when we can stay in a place of inner peace.

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Solvita Bennett November 26, 2011

Thank you Gina!

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Lorii Abella November 10, 2011

These tips are going to come in very handy. Thanks for sharing! Lorii

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Solvita Bennett November 26, 2011

Thank you Lorii!

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Norma Doiron @Living|Healthy|Wealthy|Wise November 10, 2011

Great tips. There are some people, however that I have had to stay away from. These are people that I’ve known for years, did NOT want to change and were draining the heck out of me. (-_-) As our pastor says: You can’t stop the birds from flying over your head, but you can stop them from sitting on your head! LOL! Thanks for this post. Very useful information that works with people that do want to be better…
The LEARNED Preneur @ NormaDoiron.NET

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Solvita Bennett November 26, 2011

Thank you Norma! So appreciate your comment my friend! :)

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Liz November 10, 2011

I love the tips Sweetheart! I am going to work on listening with confidence. Understand where the words are coming from. I do like to avoid negative people while trying to stay on a very positive path.

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Solvita Bennett November 26, 2011

Thank you Liz! You are doing truly great ~ keep up with it! :)

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Phila Hoopes November 10, 2011

Wonderful insights on staying calm, centered and grounded in the face of negativity…something that’s often challenging to do! Thanks!

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Solvita Bennett November 26, 2011

Thank you Phila!

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Michele November 12, 2011

Solvita, I agree with one of your other readers. Just reading your posts makes me feel calm!. Thanks for sharing your ever inspiring wisdom. I especially like when you say when someone takes you down that you need more self care. I believe that is true but it never occurred to me!

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Solvita Bennett November 26, 2011

Thank you Michele! I am happy to hear it gives you an inspiration, this is very important for me to know!

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Jasmine January 25, 2013

thanks for the great insight which is so valuable…..just one question…..what if the negative person after angering you with rude remarks come to slap you……

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Solvita Bennett January 26, 2013

Dear Jasmine, the thought of attack or being attacked leads to anger and very often to a ‘slap’ too. Once my father slapped me so many times, I thought I lost my face, when I looked in the mirror. Well, did I slap back? No, yet this was a great lesson for me. In this world something else is much more powerful than a physical power and it is the SPIRITUAL/ MENTAL power. In fact emotions hurt many times more than any physical pain. Mind comes first. The question is not, what to do with the slap received, but rather it is to do with… “how not to become angry in the first place.”. How can you manage your center of attraction (attack of any kind), how can you become calm and positive, how can you eliminate thoughts of attack/defense of any kind from your mind FIRST. This is what will change your outer world and less slaps, eventually no slaps on the way, my friend. Physical violence is nothing more than a weakness of ones ability to control his/her mind, it is a manifestation of insecurities from within. It is living under the spell of ego/lower self. It is actually not living, but barely existing. At times we need to get a slap to wake up, and I don’t mean it literally. We can get hit by car, by illness, by many different things to understand and realize, where the reality comes from and start living the TRUTH. Often what we create within through our thoughts gets completely unnoticed by us, as they come from our subconscious mind. Awareness of this process is the first step. Thank you so much, this was a great question…:)

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Jasmine January 31, 2013

Thanks so much Solvita……it was slap that i received from my mother in law for the first time in this 11 years of marriage and an immediate return slap from me to her that made me browse websites on how to control one’s reaction towards intense anger shown by a negative person and i happened to visit your website last week through browsing that made me read ur articles and calm myself down a bit. i am repeatedly reading ur articles as i found this was the best website providing best solutions to various problem in life. My inlaws and hubby are very negative, arrogant and angry people and i have been finding it very difficult to deal with them in these 11 years…though i keep calm sometimes ignoring their rude remarks or criticism but then after repeated provocation i tend to give them back in their tone through words. but last week my mil (extremely arrogant, sarcastic n negative woman) screamed at me for no fault of mine (as usual), i couldnt control myself (despite controling several times in the past) and hence screamed back at her to mind her tone…my father in law kept instigating by talking in between in support of his wife and against me….obviously there was a verbal fight and all of sudden a slap by MIL on my face from behind which led me to slap in return from front. obviously when hby arrived and she narrated the story to him he as usual supported her. i am happy i have always stood up for myself though he never supported…..my 10 year old was traumatised seeing this slap incident which happend in front of him….and i want to calm down (in terms of no reaction to their anger/provocation) for my childsake. i dont know if i was right in slapping her back ? please help.

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Solvita Bennett February 2, 2013

Dear Jasmine, you are on the right way. Looking to calm down yourself you are looking to invite a big change in your life ~ a positive change. You did what you did and a slap will solve nothing as a conflict will never be a way to happiness, joy, confidence, life, love and success. Forgive yourself and learn from this mistake. There is only one solution an it is to make a shift from within, to accept the truth and your truth is inner peace and pure joy in life. Other people are only reflecting your inner conflict in thinking (mind), which may be based on a lot of fear. The fear of being misunderstood, not liked, not loved, excluded, ignored, not heard, not valued, not accepted, judged….. The way to get rid of fear is only by developing and cultivating your ability to LOVE. Love is opposite of fear. Once you are able to maintain the state of non-judgment and love for longer and longer periods of time, your immediate environment (including people or their attitudes towards you) must change, as it only reflects what your unconscious and even conscious mind is capable of believing as true. The past doesn’t equal future ~ remember. 😉 You have the ability to make your future different (much much better) but you have to make that INNER shift. Thanks a lot for visiting my site, and also for the questions you ask. There can be many people, who may not have that much courage to even ask. See you back soon and please keep reading, but most importantly practising the tips I share. :)

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Jasmine February 4, 2013

I am extremely grateful to u Solvita. Thanks for the slap and MIL because of whom i browsed and got in touch with you. This was Gods way of bringing me to you who is doing this wonderful job selflessly to provide such divine knowledge which neither our parents, school or others can provide. Thank you God for this. It took me 11 years to know where i was going wrong. I read your free report a couple of days back and understood one great thing abt conscious and sub-conscious mind. Have already started training my mind and feeding my subsconsious mind with only and only POSITIVE THOUGHTS. i wish i had connected with you long back. But then….”GOD ALONE KNOWS WHAT IS GOOD OR BAD FOR US, HAVE TRUST IN GOD IN ALL SITUATIONS IN LIFE AND BELIEVE THAT WHAT GOD DOES, IS BEST FOR US”. yesterday my friend was in depression and i passed on your knowledge to her to calm her down. couldnt believe I played a role of Solvita to her.
God bless you Solvita !!!

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Cathy Connolly June 7, 2013

Thank you for this! Only wish i had read it before taking a VERY stressful trip to the wedding of one of my in laws. It is SO difficult to show love to such nasty,undermining,conniving individuals. The only thing i was able to do was keep my silence and maintain my demeanor in front of them. My poor husband had to deal with the consequences in private though…………….definitely not good for one’s marriage. Maybe you could post some strategies in how to show love to these lowly creatures even though i know there is a spark of divinity in each and every one of us!!!!!!!!! Well hidden in some people though.

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Solvita Bennett June 8, 2013

Hi Cathy, thanks a lot for stopping by and sharing your story. There is divinity in every one, this means there is a potential for each of us to find the way to our true or higher (spiritual) Self. It just means that there are no special and chosen ones, we are equal, yet up to our own decision to do it. When people are negative and as you described, it doesn’t mean that they are bad or good. It is only an indication that they can’t help themselves, but be at the level of evolution that they have reached and so they are where they are. You can notice that they are in this way, because you are evolved higher (spiritually). Even when you see this and disagree with the way they are you can still accept that they are who they are and respect them for their choice. This doesn’t mean that you have to hate them or join them. When you can avoid hate, this would be a massive step forwards to your own ability to feel at peace no matter what, even in their company. It is not that easy at first, yet give it a try next time. The best of course is to avoid them all together…. but it may not be possible. Thanks a lot for reading my article, appreciate it. :)

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Nue December 9, 2013

Hi Solvita,

Thanks for the great tips! I have been undergoing a difficult situation lately and need these tips to cope. The most challenging thing for me is to avoid reaction and be impulsive. It will only escalate the situation no matter how unfairly I am getting treated. But I have realised that it takes a greater person to deal with situations calmly and not lose their cool. I have been using great self control not to fight with negative people and not be affected by their tactics. To each his own! I am in this world for a greater cause than to be bogged down by a few people who can't see me in peace. I will remain positive and just, even silent to provocation to fight. Its better to fight with your own self and have private victories.

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Solvita Bennett January 5, 2014

Hi Nue,

You are absolutely right! It requires a greater person to stay calm in challenging situations. Thank you so much for stopping by and sharing your experiences with others. I wish you a lot of strength and dedication as you are on the right path, my friend. :)

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anje May 8, 2014

what if its interpreted as positive reinforcement??? whenever someone behaves negatively to shower them with hugs??

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Solvita Bennett May 11, 2014

Dear Anje, such a kind thought!… yet it really depends on a situation and common sense. :) I appreciate you stopped by and thank you for the comment.

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