How do I Find Inner Peace when dealing with Loss

by Solvita Bennett on January 13, 2013

7 Stages of dealing with Loss – the way to Inner Peace…

Loss and positive calm

"Happiness is beneficial for the body, but is grief that develops the POWERS of the mind."

-Marcel Proust

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Dear Friend,

… We are faced with a loss countless times during our lifetime. Many times people ask about the ways we can deal with a loss and still feel positive about life.

So today I wanted to share with you some thoughts on this subject.

There are no guaranties in life, to have all in the same way and order, as life never stays the same. Life is like a flowing river, and so the change is the ONLY constant that there is, my friend. Part of the change is also a loss, unfortunately.

Grief we can experience through many different losses. Through loss of abilities, possessions, relationships, jobs, titles, reputation… and list can get on and on…. What creates grief, is something or somebody that was a significant part in our life and now is GONE.

One of the hardest experiences is, the loss of somebody, you love.

It could be through death, divorce or separation. This is what can lead us to a deep grief.

I’ve experienced this many times in my life and I’m sure you have too. We all are different and so go through this painful experience in our own unique way. However there are some stages that we pass through that are common to all of us.

No matter how strong we are, it is important to go through these stages and let time heal us.

Rushing through and ignoring emotions, is something that will not help in the long term.

Be gentle, know yourself and give SUFFICIENT time to recover.

Every loss, small or big creates an emotional wound and it is the turmoil within, which needs a lot of attention, in order to be healed.

… If you currently are experiencing loss, even after you read this article, I’d recommend to find professional help. Often it is not enough to be by yourself, however it does of course depend on your personal situation.

Now let’s talk about the common stages we go through and the order can be not exactly the same.

7 Stages of dealing with Loss – the way to Inner Peace:

#1 One of the first stages is RESISTANCE. This is created by denial, and not accepting reality. We still believe it didn’t happen and we are not ready to accept.

#2 The second stage is looking at the past and wishing all BACK in the same way as it once was.

#3 The third stage is negotiating the outcome… this is by thinking how would the outcome be different, if only… or if I’d. So in a way hoping and trying to CHANGE the outcome.

#4 The fourth stage is BITTERNESS. This involves blaming others with anger, looking for answers and explanations, so the loss can feel less painful.

#5 The fifth stage is real grief. The real grief starts, once we’ve accepted reality as it is. This is a very hard part, many negative emotions surface, especially the feeling of EMPTINESS. Depression sets in.

#6 The sixth stage is a time of REORDER. We start to learn how to live with the loss.

#7 The seventh stage is a start of making NEW plans. Then we eventually move on.

…It takes normally at least three months to heal emotional wounds. It depends on a situation and how severe your loss is. It can even take more than a year.

Close friends and relatives are a good remedy in times you need help. Be as gentle and kind to yourself as possible.

Grief is something that nobody is protected from. Knowing that it is normal to grieve, experiencing the stages, emotions and letting them BE is important, my friend. Time heals everything….

I hope this will help you to find your inner peace, even when going through the natural stages of grief. You know what to expect and it will bring you some comfort.

…. We come here to join the world and leave. Even our bodies will not be forever. There is nothing you can lose in reality, as there is nothing you can keep, when you leave this world.

People live like they are never going to die; yet we have to live like we never know, WHEN we are going to die. We have to enjoy our life to the fullest every moment and once we become more willing to understand that life is short and it is a journey rather than a destination, we can let ourselves be OK with a loss…. And so recover much sooner from our emotional pain on the way.

Positive psychology, after going through the stages of grief is very useful and helps to move on, my friend.

Let’s do this together.

Now is your turn, please share your insights, wisdom, concerns or stories in the comment section below. I’d love to hear from you. :)

________________________________

  Solvita Bennett is sharing her wisdom with people from different backgrounds to find their Inner Peace and Happiness. With more than 20 years of study and practice of Personal Growth coupled with more than 10 years experience in professional teaching gives her the ability to share her ‘Secrets to Inner Peace’ in a Simple, Easy and Practical way.

Research shows that more than 95% of people lead their lives with worry. Don’t let this happen to you! Get your FREE copy of her Special Report “7 MASTER KEYS TO SOLVE THE WORRY" now.

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{ 65 comments… read them below or add one }

Maximiliano Tejo January 13, 2013

Look within yourself, you cannot find it outside yourself. Find your innate goodness.

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Solvita Bennett January 19, 2013

Absolutely! :)

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Nea El January 13, 2013

When you let go of the bad feelings, forgiving others and yourself in order to do so you overcome those negative voices and are able to concentrate on the good things in life – this is the road to Inner Peace but you have to work at it because it is always under construction.

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Solvita Bennett January 19, 2013

So true, Nea…Thank you for stopping by!

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Siva Sankaran January 13, 2013

Believe in yourself. Let go of self-doubt and what-if. Follow your dreams and have hope. You can do it-you know you can.

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Solvita Bennett January 19, 2013

Appreciate it, Siva! :)

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Ramona Hozoc January 13, 2013

Thxs 4 sharing & promoting inner peace & well being …

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Solvita Bennett January 19, 2013

You are welcome Ramona, it is nice to have you here!

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Abraham Chandomi January 13, 2013

Feel the positive energy around you. Feel the presence of those you’ve lost. Be open-minded and believe your loved ones are still here. Recognize the love of those currently in your life. People who love you send you positive energy all the time. You just have to notice it.

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Solvita Bennett January 19, 2013

Yes… this is so simple, Abraham! :)

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Jonathan Armange January 14, 2013

You do not feel personally as distraught or depressed as you would if you were “swimming in your thoughts.” Less of a toll is taken on your nervous system, your attitude towards life and those who are dependent on you. If you are in a very advanced state of inner peace, there will be no toll taken at all.

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Solvita Bennett January 19, 2013

Hi Jonathan, we rarely are so advanced… this is why, we have to accept our emotions and feelings as natural and let us be ‘human’. When we repress, this will still have an output in some way and usually not the way we want… Thanks a lot for you insightful comment and see you soon.

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Enzo Kojak January 14, 2013

The past few weeks have not been kind to me. I always focus on the positive (the power of attraction) and always give gratitude, no matter what. I’ve had things hitting me from every direction possible until I was just about to break yesterday.

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Solvita Bennett January 19, 2013

Dear Enzo, you are not on your own… we all have challenges and once we learn how to manage the moments like you just describe, we become much stronger. Never let your mind master you… you are the MASTER of your mind. 😉 … Some thoughts that bother you so much are not real. The thoughts that make us weak are not the TRUTH. This is how easy is to recognize them and let them just pass your mind without getting too involved. Take care.

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Lysiane Jackson January 14, 2013

That’s easy. You can believe in god. It is the ideal advice

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Solvita Bennett January 19, 2013

Yes it is!

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Razvan Ionescu January 14, 2013

When you accept what is you stop feeding energy into resisting what is. You don’t make a problem more powerful and sticky in your mind. Instead, somewhat counter intuitively, when you accept what is it loses much of its power. It just is.

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Solvita Bennett January 19, 2013

Yes it just is, when we can accept what is …. well this is a huge step towards our inner peace and happiness. Thank you, Razvan. :)

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Catherine Doucette January 14, 2013

Being kind to yourself really is key. thanks for the post.

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Solvita Bennett January 19, 2013

Thank you, Catherine! It is nice, you stopped by!

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Lisa Birnesser January 15, 2013

Amazing post, Solvita. I found this to be so true “…yet we have to live like we never know, WHEN we are going to die” We have to live each moment as fully as we can, giving gratitude fro what we have right now. Thanks so much for these beautiful words.

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Solvita Bennett January 19, 2013

Thank you, Lisa. It is amazing you came to visit my site… and even shared your thoughts with us. See you back soon again, my friend. x

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Anita January 15, 2013

Great post Solvita! Timely for sure as I am dealing with the loss of my Dad.

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Solvita Bennett January 19, 2013

I am aware of your great loss Anita. You are truly inspiring with the way you deal with this loss, most of us try to hide away in times… so HARD, yet you are out there and still active doing your best getting life back to normal. I wish you a lot of strength, my dear friend. (hugs)

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Sherie January 15, 2013

You’re right, Solvita, at some point in time, we all are effected by grief…it’s part of being human and loving, isn’t it? You’re outlining the natural stages of grief is very helpful because when you know what to expect, it makes the process easier…beautiful post!

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Solvita Bennett January 19, 2013

So wonderful to see you here, Sherie. I feel thrilled! Yes… this was the intention of my post, people have to realize that they are not on their own in times of loss and it is NATURAL to experience many negative emotions. Once we know what to expect, it is as you just said, easier. Thank you! :)

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Michelle January 15, 2013

I recently lost my grandmom. I was very close to her. I feel so low. Your article has helped me to give a vent to my grief and move ahead in life. I know I cant get her back and only the memories will remain with me. I will try to be happy because that’s what she wanted.

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Solvita Bennett January 19, 2013

Absolutely Michelle, she would never like to see you low, my friend. Take your time. My grandma was very close to me, as my mother died when I was seven and she replaced her role. It took me a very long time to recover from her loss, I would say even years… she was the kindest person I ever knew, even to this day.

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Samantha January 15, 2013

It is important to share the grief. When I had a breakup I could not tell that to anyone and that pained me more. After I poured my heart out to my sister, I felt so good. She supported me in my difficult days and helped me to come out of the grief.

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Solvita Bennett January 19, 2013

Hi Samantha, it is good to have people around you, who you are able to trust. It can provide you with great help and relief. It is good you shared your pain with your sister. Thank you for sharing your story.

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Moira Hutchison January 15, 2013

Thanks for a great post Solvita – I agree that being kind to yourself is really key in dealing with any kind of loss… it’s also very important to honor how it feels to you… some people deal with grief quicker than other’s – it’s a very personal journey. It’s important to honor the process and when appropriate move through ALL of the stages you listed out. xo

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Solvita Bennett January 19, 2013

Thank you Moira, appreciate your comment. xo

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Lisa Frederiksen - BreakingTheCycles.com January 15, 2013

For me – it’s been taking the time it takes and allowing myself to really, really feel the pain – to cry and rail and rage – instead of rationalizing it with words or pushing myself to get over it. Thank you for a great post on such an important topic!

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Solvita Bennett January 19, 2013

Thank you Lisa, such a great approach! Appreciate your are sharing this, my friend.:)

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Justin January 16, 2013

Very nice article. everyone of us experiences loss be it death of a dear one or loss of job or wealth. I believe that these are lessons that teach us to be strong and appreciate life and its treasures.

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Solvita Bennett January 19, 2013

Thank you, Justin. :)

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Kim January 16, 2013

When our pet dog died, my son was devastated. He could not eat or sleep for days. I made him realize that our Sunny has gone to god because god needs him too. Today we remember Sunny as a god’s gift. My son has coped with this loss beautifully.

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Solvita Bennett January 19, 2013

This is so beautiful, Kim. Thank you for your comment.

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Carl Mason-Liebenberg January 16, 2013

It has been a long time since I suffered a physical loss such as the loss of a loved one…but I have suffered other losses and these steps speak very well into those as well!

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Solvita Bennett January 19, 2013

Thank you, Carl. Yes… not only physical loss we experience through the stages I described. Thank you for the comment!

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Daniel January 17, 2013

The faster we accept the reality it is better for us. The more you will deny the loss, greater will be your pain. You cannot change whatever has happened and it is time to accept that.

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Joseph January 17, 2013

Never put your feelings inside. That is the secret to coming out of grief. Cry if you want to, let someone share your sorrows. Speak up and you will feel your heart feeling lighter. It is easier to handle loss in this way.

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Thomas January 17, 2013

My friend could not bear the shock of infidelity. She plunged into depression. For days she used to lock herself up in her house. we had to seek medical help. Now she is better. The doctor made us realize the importance of sharing our loss and accepting the reality. There must be hope for better life.

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Patty January 18, 2013

What I have learnt from life is that you should never rush through loss. Every loss takes its time to heal and we should give that. When you lose someone to death you can’t be normal within a few days. It may take years. But you should not lose hope in life and move on.

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Robie January 18, 2013

Life is so strange. It gives us happiness but takes that away. I often wonder why it behaves so cruelly to us. I think may be it wants us to appreciate life which is nothing less than a gift. a loss will not seem a loss if you have had good times. The memories always remain.

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Solvita Bennett January 21, 2013

Thank you Robie, so nice to hear your thoughts, appreciate for sharing them.

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Julia January 18, 2013

It is so hard to come to terms with loss. I lost my husband to cancer and I just cant forget him. He wanted to live but we could not help him. It was too late. The doctors gave up hope too. This is something that I find unbearable.

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Solvita Bennett January 21, 2013

Hi Julia, I’m very sorry to hear of your loss…. I can completely get how unbearable that must feel, my friend. Be gentle and kind to yourself and the best, please find professional help to get your spirit back. You are not on your own dear, we all experience loss and it is not easy. Especially when we loose somebody so close. Take care and may you find the light very soon.

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Waqas Awan January 19, 2013

By accepting what is it is much easier to let go of things and to forgive what has happened. Forgiveness is important because as long as you don’t forgive someone you are linked to that person. Your thoughts will return to the person who wronged you and what s/he did over and over again.

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David Laude January 19, 2013

peace of mind is largely a matter of attention. If we keep the flashlight of our attention on our negative circumstances, if we constantly attend to the “gloom and doom” voices in our heads, then we will surely be overcome by stress.

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Meryl Hershey Beck January 21, 2013

I never heard of these 7 stages–did you create this list? I find it very interesting. Thanks for sharing it with us, Solvita!

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Solvita Bennett January 21, 2013

Hi Meryl, yes I did create this list. Thank you for stopping by and even more so, you found it very interesting! :)

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Sharon O'Day January 21, 2013

Not only do we react differently to various types (and depths) of loss, Solvita, but we also react differently throughout life. I wouldn’t say it gets easier. But we experience loss differently … Thanks for providing the healing tools!

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Solvita Bennett January 21, 2013

Absolutely Sharon, we do! It all depends on how attached we are to something or somebody and how we perceive life in general. It is amazing to see you here, appreciate your insightful comment!

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Dario Radovanac January 22, 2013

it’s amazing how powerful a deep breath can be. We all need those reminders! Keep breathing . . . keep cultivating gratitude . . . you can find inner peace no matter what.

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cheryll February 1, 2013

When experiencing grief I’ve found the thought of thankfulness for allowing that person to be in my life for no matter how brief a time is truly a blessing. Our time here is only temporary. It would be very sad to die and have no one miss you. I try to keep them alive in my heart and re-live the joy and life experiences they taught me. When my brother was murdered it was more difficult for me to forgive the culprit, and not dwell on the anger. That is where the BIG guy comes in. I don’t imagine I will ever know “why” but by releasing the anger and asking Him to heal the person who took my brother I can focus on those that truly deserve my loving thoughts. I have found that by repeatedly doing this I can feel the joy of the good times we had instead of the anger when I think of him. Thank you Solvita for setting up this website. I hope my sharing this may have helped someone struggling

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Margarita Poganysheva March 1, 2013

True words to live by no matter who you are….. we are all blessed to have such pure energy in the universe…think not of what you don’t have and focus on what you do have and you will be free o:)

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Sotirko Sotirov March 23, 2013

Don’t wait for all the circumstances in life to be ‘just right’ in order to feel good. Just feel good anyway! Wishing you serenity now! In peace

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Coque Breniz April 2, 2013

Have you heard the expression “what you resist persists?” By trying to push away the bad stuff or change it into better stuff, we are forever judging this moment as not good enough and therefore postponing our happiness. Whenever there is judgement or resistance we cannot be at peace with ourselves.

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Zsolt Sudar May 26, 2013

Finding inner peace comes as a result of allowing everything to be as it is without resistance…. saying yes to every experience. How do we achieve that? If you step out of yourself for a moment and objectively watch your own mind you will see what happens.

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Deone Higgs June 18, 2013

Beautifully done, Solvita! I couldn't agree with you more onwhat you've shared here with us.

When it comes to finding inner peace dealing with loss of loved ones and friends, we can't rush the process. The only thing we can do is take one day at a time. I recently wrote in one of my messages about forgiveness, something I believe will fit in this case as well. It said,

"Don’t rush it, just let it happen. Every wound heals eventually. If we let the wound heal, without picking at it, it will heal relatively quickly. Furthermore, even if we keep picking at the sore, disrupting its process to heal  – it still heals. It simply will take a little longer."

Time indeed is a miracle worker and the greatest natural seer and teacher. If we permit it to do so, it would completely liberate us from all that would stain our happiness with the presence of temporary grief.  

Thanks for the sharpening message, beloved. Great to read you, as always. 

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Solvita Bennett August 4, 2013

Thank you Deone! Forgiveness is very powerful… I agree very much so. Appreciate your comment!

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Pedrolito Tah Chigago August 11, 2013

Inner peace does not come from self-improvement, it comes from self-acceptance

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Solvita Bennett August 11, 2013

Well said! :) thank you ~ Pedrolito!

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Suzanne Ayala August 24, 2013

The one "secret" that I quote quite often to people is " You can't solve a problem with the same mind that created it".

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