7 Keys to Self-Love and Positive Inner Calm

by Solvita Bennett on June 4, 2012

How to Love Yourself Unconditionally and Feel Positive Inner Calm…

"I rise on this day as a champion of love. And as one who is, ready to embrace not just the love that exists without – but, all the love that exists, within." ~ Eleesha

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Dear Friend,

… We are generally conditioned through our life experiences that we must deserve love, not only from others, but also from ourselves. This influence comes from our very early childhood. We can all remember the situations in our childhood, when we as little children were punished and our parents acted in a way, that made us feel unloved.

These first impressions on our mind will have had an incredible influence, which many people are unable to shake off for the rest of their lives.

So why is it so important to deeply understand, how our life and self-esteem is depended on unconditional self-love?

… Today I’m going to share with you some insights on this topic that will help you to experience self-love on a deeper level without guilt. This will give you freedom to enjoy life, as you should my friend.

… Well it is so common to see ourselves as physical beings more than spiritual. However without spirit we are worth nothing and so the spirit comes first.

When we go through life, we are and will be faced with so many different situations. In these different situations and relationships with others, we discover more and more about ourselves and what we are made of.

We make many mistakes on the way too, which is part of a learning process. What we also do often is, we make an image of ourselves based on the different roles we play and different behaviors that we express. We attach labels to these roles, actions, emotions and behaviors and so make judgments about ourselves.

These judgments are often what makes us feel unworthy of love. In other words, we feel, we are not good enough and so don’t deserve love.

However this is not true, it is actually far from it. What we are judging is, only the lower part of us, or ego. This is the crucial part we must understand. You are much more and so much bigger than your physical part, mind or ego.

Your spiritual part and potential is infinite, once you understand and realize it. You don’t even need to deserve your love as you are made from it. Your spirit is pure love.

All our being and essence is made for love and everything that is not, is against the laws of nature.

Often people feel too much guilt to love themselves at a core level and it is to do with misconception between narcissism and true self-love.

So today I’d like to shed some light on these vast differences.

Narcissism is based on the love of ego, love of the lower self. This leads a person to see themselves separate from others and the Universe. This separation leads them to being emotionally unavailable for deep relationships with others. This is due to their inability to connect with other people at their core or being.

They appear confident though and as a result attractive, as we know confidence is very magnetic, but at the same time whenever you will be in their company, you will feel weaker (if you are not strong and positive enough of course).

Narcissists are full of themselves; feel special and focused only on building their own strength or in other words strengthening their ego. People can change and I believe in change. However the relationships with narcissist can be very toxic and hard to recover from, as they are one sided and parasitic.

Narcissism is what unconditional self-love is not. It is an opposite in fact. When you love your Self, you love that higher part of you, which is connected to the Universe, God or Source. This is the highest realization and an incredible leverage for you and your inner Power my friend.

Through this unconditional love you will start to experience love towards others. Only by deeply understanding and feeling this connection to yourself and others you are able to become an extraordinary person with amazing qualities. This is nothing to do with selfishness.

I wanted to explain this difference, as I noticed people find it hard to appreciate themselves as they should. This should never be so. Self-love or Self-appreciation is a necessity and not a luxury for our Health, Strength, Success, Prosperity and Positive Inner Calm.

Natural self-confidence comes from a healthy self-esteem. There is nothing more enjoyable than to be in a company with a person, who is naturally confident. They share their confidence with people around them and so others feel uplifted, confident, energetic and enriched by their contact.

7 Keys or Reasons to Love Yourself Unconditionally:

#1. You deserve Unconditional love no matter what you do, are or have done.

#2. The true Self-love makes you an extraordinary person, able to love, connect and relate to others on a core level. Narcissism is toxic and the opposite of unconditional self-love.

#3. Self-love makes you charismatic, magnetic and naturally confident, which are irresistible characteristics for success.

#4. You will enrich not only your world, but also the world of others.

#5. You will have the ability to influence others in a meaningful, positive and uplifting way.

#6. You will gain courage and so lose fear to take action necessary to fulfill your goals and destiny.

#7. You will be able to trust yourself and stop looking outside for answers, recognition, love or help. Which is ultimate freedom. Belief in Self is incredibly powerful.

I hope this information will help you to feel free to love yourself unconditionally as you truly deserve.

Start as soon as today my friend. Make a commitment for at least a week to accept yourself exactly as you are NOW. No matter what you’ve done in the past. No matter of your social status, money, health, color, race, beliefs. Unconditionally!

Let’s do this together.

Now is your turn, please share your thoughts, concerns or stories in the comment section below. I’d love to hear from you. :)

________________________________

  Solvita Bennett is sharing her wisdom with people from different backgrounds to find their Inner Peace and Happiness. With more than 20 years of study and practice of Personal Growth coupled with more than 10 years experience in professional teaching gives her the ability to share her ‘Secrets to Inner Peace’ in a Simple, Easy and Practical way.

Research shows that more than 95% of people lead their lives with worry. Don’t let this happen to you! Get your FREE copy of her Special Report “7 MASTER KEYS TO SOLVE THE WORRY" now.

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{ 61 comments… read them below or add one }

Hughie Bagnell June 4, 2012

Excellent article Solvita! Self-love which exudes confidence, strength and vision is definitely a necessity to develop healthy communication processes and relationships! Thank you for sharing the seven ‘Keys’! …Hughie :)

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Solvita Bennett June 5, 2012

Thanks Hughie, it is great to see you here! :)

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DianeDP June 11, 2012

Hughie, I agree with you and with Solvita. What a great post to read on a Monday morning, to start the week right. It is also highly useful as I consider how to punish my 11 year old daughter for disobeying me…. and make that be a lesson, but not an indictment of who she is, just what she did wrong.

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Claudia Looi June 4, 2012

Without self-love, it is quite impossible to love others. What a great article to help guide us to have self-appreciation, self-esteem, self confidence, ultimately huge heart to love unconditionally.

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Solvita Bennett June 5, 2012

Absolutely Claudia! It is awesome you enjoyed my work and I appreciate it! :)

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Eno Nsima-Obot, MD June 5, 2012

Hi Solvita, I resonate with your article and actually am in the process of putting together a 21 day challenge entitled ‘in love with me’ just to highlight the importance of self love and self-acceptance. I particularly like the way you separate the lower ‘narcissistic love’ from unconditional love. Thanks for an overall great read.

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Solvita Bennett June 5, 2012

This will be amazing Eno. 21 days are required for a new habit to be established. Self-love is something that will take you to much higher spiritual level and equip with inner power and natural self-confidence, simply extraordinary. Thank you for stopping by.:)

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Olga Hermans June 5, 2012

It is so important how you treat yourself, because I believe that, that is how you will treat others many times. It is very difficult to love others when you don’t love yourself.

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Solvita Bennett June 5, 2012

I agree Olga… this is what we have to learn to do. Thank you so much for your comment!

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Carolyn Hughes June 5, 2012

This is such a lovely post and reminds me that it is important to love myself. I used to drink because I hated who I was, but once I got into recovery I found that I had to learn to accept myself for who I was. Now I can celebrate the person I was meant to be.

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Solvita Bennett June 9, 2012

This is an amazing place to be Carolyn, when you have the ability to celebrate YOU! I so appreciate you and your insightful comment!

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Kay Aubrey-Chimene June 5, 2012

Such a great message. I have copied your seven steps, replaced the word You with I and will use them this week for my daily affirmations. Thank You!

Namaste~ Kay

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Solvita Bennett June 9, 2012

Such a great IDEA, sure you can do it and also, you may want to adjust a bit to even suit your life situation the best! Thank you Key! :)

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Sally K Witt, Social Media and Ministry June 5, 2012

Wonderful post. This self love and acceptance is a lifelong challenge for me. It is the journey, not the destination that is important for me.

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Solvita Bennett June 9, 2012

Absolutely it can be for most of the people. It is the way we are conditioned to see ourselves, most of the time completely unaware. However little by little we can get through to our core ~ loving higher self and then there is nobody and nothing can ever take that away. Thank you Sally ~ it is awesome you stopped by my friend! x

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Barbara Peters June 5, 2012

Ahh I like this so much!! I spend a lot of time talking to clients about this! Lovely Solvita

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Solvita Bennett June 9, 2012

Thank you Barbara ~ you are doing a brilliant job with your clients, they are LUCKY to have you! :)

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Dorien Morin-van Dam June 6, 2012

Nice article, Solvita and what a great subject. As a mom of 5 kids, I knowing this and modeling this is VERY important. Sometimes I need a reminder, too, to stay focused and positive. I take time for myself when I run. (That’s why I run marathons…:) It takes a lot of time! )

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Solvita Bennett June 9, 2012

Good, it is important to take time or we can be forced to do it anyway in not a very nice way though…. through a desease, illness some other unfortunate conditions! Thank you so much for your comment!

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Sherie June 6, 2012

Beautiful post, dear Solvita! Self love is a necessity and I love your 7 keys to love yourself unconditionally…wonderful!

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Solvita Bennett June 9, 2012

Thank you so much Sherie, it is allways a pleasure to see you here! :)

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Sharon O'Day June 6, 2012

The nice part about getting older, Solvita, is that you truly start loving yourself exactly as you are. Unrealistic expectations fall away, gentle forgiveness comes more easily and you are more likely to relish in just how fabulous you are … today. I love each passing birthday!

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Solvita Bennett June 9, 2012

This is amazing Sharon, I wish many people would read, what you just said and follow! Thank you for visiting my site and appreciate your wonderful comment!

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Martha Giffen June 6, 2012

What wonderful writing! You have given such great advice. Sharing and sharing again! Also, LOVE the picture!

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Solvita Bennett June 9, 2012

Thank you Martha… love a lot. I feel the same, when I find something good, can’t stop, but share with others too. I believe this is how we enrich the world! Appreciate it, my friend! :)

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Maria Stefanopoulos June 6, 2012

Another technique is to look into the mirror every day and tell yourself you accept yourself, or whatever you need to hear. Look into your eyes when you do it.

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Solvita Bennett June 9, 2012

Absolutely, we can use many different techniques and looking in the mirror, accepting our love is one of the greatest ones! Thank you Maria! :)

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Anita June 6, 2012

Wonderful post Solvita. All the keys are important but I think they begin with Key #1,..we cannot give what we don’t have :)

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Solvita Bennett June 9, 2012

Yes… we can’t give, what we don’t have! So true! Thank you so much for stopping by Anita! x

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Lisa Birnesser June 6, 2012

Beautiful article, Solvita! I really love “The true Self-love makes you an extraordinary person, able to love, connect and relate to others on a core level. Narcissism is toxic and the opposite of unconditional self-love.” I really believe if we reach out to others when we are down, it truly lives love to a new level. Thanks so much!

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Solvita Bennett June 9, 2012

Yes, we can enrich the world around us, when we love and accept ourselves first. There is no downside, only benefits. Thank you Lisa! :)

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Norma Doiron @Where Aspiring Business Owners Start, Grow or Strengthen Their Business Online June 6, 2012

Solvita, great article. Wouldn’t expect any less from you! So important to accept and love ourselves. Still in the process… x0x

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Solvita Bennett June 9, 2012

Thank you Norma, so awesome to see you again! xox

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Karla Campos June 6, 2012

Love this article Solvita. Self love is amazing, it is surprising how many people will tell you otherwise. How can anyone truly live if they don’t love themselves?

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Solvita Bennett June 9, 2012

Yes Karla, there will be many, who will think that you are selfish and out of your mind. 😉 People often look outside themselves for love and this is where they fail every time. You can never control love from outside, you have to find it within and then others will reflect your inner love back to you. You give before you receive ~ this is the law of nature, which never fails.

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Helena June 6, 2012

Yes! Solvita, you are right on when you say that self-love is a necessity not a luxury. When we begin to understand that, we can do so much more to live happy, healthy, and full lives. Thanks for another great article.

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Solvita Bennett June 9, 2012

Thank you Lena, this is so great you took your time and left the comment. Appreciate it! It means a lot to me what people think and how they perceive my articles.

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Sherry Nouraini June 7, 2012

This is such a constant challenge for women. For me, complete self love came after I hit 40, I don’t know why, but it was great to get there. Thanks for the inspiration.

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Solvita Bennett June 9, 2012

This is wonderful Sherry! It is so great that you are there and now can fully feel it and enjoy the benefits of its power. :)

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Sharon G. Cobb June 7, 2012

Amazing article. I am glad you pointed out the difference in narcissim and self-love. There is a huge difference for sure! If we don’t love self first, it is hard to really love others. I agree.

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Solvita Bennett June 9, 2012

Thank you Sharon! Yes the differences are huge, and often people have fear of becoming selfish by loving themselves, which is stopping them in their tracks.

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Jamie June 7, 2012

Beautiful article, and one must love themselves before they can fully love another.

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Solvita Bennett June 9, 2012

Thank you Jamie! So nice to hear from you! :)

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pat June 7, 2012

Enjoyed reading your article. I am a person who can be very forgiving and supportive of others, and very tough on myself. Thanks for these good points and reminders. God loves me and accepts me as I am, so why shouldn’t I accept where I am at and be more patient with myself in the areas that I wish to improve.

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Solvita Bennett June 9, 2012

Absolutely … God loves you unconditionally, just because you are! And so must you too, Pat! Thank you!

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Brenda June 8, 2012

Hello Solvita, Your article is coming quite handy I must say…like a message sent from the universe. Thanks.

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Solvita Bennett June 9, 2012

Thank you Brend, so glad to hear this. I hope to see you soon back again!

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Marie Leslie June 8, 2012

Wonderful post, Solvita. It is so very important that we learn to love ourselves first. Without that, we cannot ever really love others.

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Solvita Bennett June 9, 2012

Yes Marie, we can’t! Thank you so much for stopping by and enjoying my article!

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Susan McKenzie June 11, 2012

This is an important article, Solvita – thanks for writing!

Most of us are our own worst critics and the only cure is a true self-love. I appreciate you explaining what narcissism looks and sounds like, and it’s very toxic! It’s helpful to understand what true self love is like so we are not afraid of the false, narcissist variety. The power of love to transform our lives is probably the important topic we can explore, and it will take a lifetime and beyond to really plummet the depths of this kind of love!

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Solvita Bennett June 17, 2012

Dear Susan, thank you for stopping by and enjoying my writing! It can take a lifetime and beyond to really plummet the depth of this kind of live! This is true ~ it can.

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Susan Preston July 1, 2012

Love, love, love this! I love #7 especially as well as your challenge. A lot of people have a hard time doing that. Thank you, for sharing your knowledge and brilliance!

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Solvita Bennett July 15, 2012

Thank you Susan, it is great you stopped by and shared your kind words with me and others! :)

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Del Cusay July 1, 2012

I like this article and very commendable. It reminds me to be unconditionally love myself and just be myself. I admit sometimes i am ruled by the false power of my ego and also become narcissistic. Reading this article inspires me to renew myself and overcome these obstacles for my life’s purpose.

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Solvita Bennett July 15, 2012

Dear Del, I admit I am ruled by the false power of my ego too at times. You know it and I do too, this is an amazing achievement as so many people are completely unaware. Once we become aware, we have already transformed this. This is the first step of transformation every single time ~ to become aware. Well done, you are in a strong position… Thank you so much for stopping by and sharing.

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Deeone Higgs July 3, 2012

I loved this part of the article, Solvita -“We attach labels to these roles, actions, emotions and behaviors and so make judgments about ourselves.” So very true!

Many times people are unable to experience the wonderful feelings love provides ( whether it’s self-love or otherwise) because of past experiences they’ve attached to the word ‘love’. Whenever this is the case, the individual(s) must decide to practice what you have so beautifully stated here – learn to love themselves again, first.

Fabulous message, my friend. :)

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Solvita Bennett July 15, 2012

Thank you Deeone, I love your visits in here, they bring me a lot of joy with your amazing comment. Appreciate it!

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Casondra July 29, 2012

I really thank you for this article and website. I am coming out of only a 5 month relationship with a guy who would call himself a narcism selfish person but did it in a funny way. I even looked the word up and it says self love. I didn’t really think much of it until I felt he was degrading and over all ass hole. As a friend he is awesome but not as a partner. I have been a mess after the break up until I read this article and you opened my eyes to what narcism actually means. This article has pegged him to a tee. You have opened my eyes and made it so much easier to move on. I thank you so much and really hope to find a healthy self love and boost of confidence. Again thank you soooo much.

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Solvita Bennett July 29, 2012

Thank you so much Casondra for your feedback ~ it means a world to me. This work I do is exactly for the reason you mentioned. It is for having many aha moments, that lead to a deep understanding of not only the Self, but also the way we relate (or not) to others. The more we are able to learn and gain from our own life experiences, the easier it becomes to become more and more authentic in life. Authenticity is really the key for confidence and strength. Without natural confidence, it is hard to create our life in a most wonderful way… See you back soon again! :)

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joel December 18, 2012

Hi Solvita and everyone else,
It,s like taking baby steps once again and developing the confidence to move forward. How does one break the resistance after so many years in the same position? I believe I have a spirtual self but somehow I lack that inner love, Any thoughts or comments?

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Solvita Bennett December 20, 2012

Hi Joel, it is great to see you here. All starts with acceptance, once you are able to accept your current position and yourself in it, you can start taking baby steps once again towards self-love and confidence. The more we resist where we are right now, the more we confirm the reality and so it stays the same… something like glue 😉 we attract what we focus on. We normally tend to wait for the perfect moment to enjoy our current life and this is what creates the resistance, as we forget to enjoy the current moment and so are not able to break through to more joy. Just start with acceptance, enjoy every moment and see what happens. :)

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