5 Top Tips to Enhance Relationships and Find Inner Peace

by Solvita Bennett on November 26, 2011

How to Successfully Enhance your Relationships and Find Inner Peace…

Dear Friend,

… There is nothing more fulfilling in life than to have uplifting, loving, nurturing and harmonious relationships. It is an ART on its own and I am still learning it… Today especially for YOU my Friend I have invited the best Relationship Specialist that I know, my wonderful friend Susan Preston to share with you some SECRETS on how to successfully ENHANCE your RELATIONSHIPS and take them to the next, HIGHER LEVEL

If You Are Having Relationship Problems…You Have More Than One!

By Susan Preston

… We all have challenges in our relationships at some time or other. If you are having relationship problems, you wouldn't be having them if you weren't having them with yourself. It all starts with you, being at peace with yourself! You cannot expect to have peace with others, never mind even thinking of having a healthy relationship when you have turmoil inside of you. If you are not at peace with yourself and have turmoil, not only are you not connected to yourself, but I guarantee you that you are having difficulty in connecting with others. It is very hard to have peaceful relationships with others when you don't have inner peace!

It's interesting, most of times when you are having problems with others, you say to yourself and sometimes even to them, they are doing this or they are doing that to you. But the truth is that you are playing the victim in that very moment and are not in control of you, instead you are allowing them to control you. It causes a lot of turmoil inside of you, because you are allowing limiting beliefs that you have had for some time to creep back and reign in on your parade. You may have thought that you released those limiting beliefs, but obviously you didn't. That is when you need to get still inside of you, and ask yourself, why am I still holding onto this, and what purpose is it serving. More times then not, it is because you are feeling that you are not enough. One of the biggest fears that humans have at some point in their life, is that they are not enough. When you can get to that place inside that you are continually filling yourself up with love, honor, trust, kindness, compassion, forgiveness and so much more, you will not only feel that you are enough, but you will have inner peace!

Relationships are a place to go to give and share. You can't expect to be able to give to others and not feel empty if you are not giving to yourself first. When you start treating yourself like you do your loved ones and make You a priority rather then an option, life will not only get Amazing, but you will be continually filling yourself up and then will have even more to give and share of the “Best’ You. Somewhere along the line, you may have started treating yourself as an option instead of a priority. It is a limiting belief to feel that it is selfish and that perhaps you aren’t worthy of loving yourself for whatever reason. You may not think you are enough, but God believes you are and has equipped you with the ability to love yourself unconditionally. God doesn’t make ‘Junk’ and he thinks you are worthy of being loved unconditionally. Look at the love that he has bestowed upon you. In order not to feel empty at the end of the day, you need to continually fill yourself up with all of those things that you are trying to give to others.

5 TOP Tips On How To Fill Yourself Up Continually

And Have Inner Peace:

#1 Let Yourself Be: When life gets busy and hectic, take some time to go to your favorite environment and perhaps sip on your favorite beverage and just let your mind wander. Don’t think about all the things that you have to do, but rather bask in that very moment. By doing so, you start to rejuvenate yourself. If you work from home, this is even more vital to step away from your computer, your phone, etc. I do this at least a couple times a day if not more. I make myself my favorite tea and go on my front porch and just rock in my rocking chair. When you do go back to whatever it is that you are doing, you will find yourself ready to take on any new challenges that might come your way. I find that I get even more creative after doing so. Also,if you are in the midst of a challenge of any kind,think of how you want the end result to turn out. Visualize it and get into that feeling of how wonderful it feels, the more you can do this, the quicker it can happen. Remember, that whatever it is, it should not only be in your greatest good, but in the greatest good of others that are involved, as well. As a gentle reminder, whatever you put out, comes back to you…so make sure it's good!

#2 Treat Yourself How You Want Others To Treat You: When you start treating yourself as a priority rather then as an option, others will start to do so. Think of all the things that you do for those that you love. Don’t you think that you should get those as well from yourself. In order to be able to continually be able to give love, kindness, affection, trust, respect, forgiveness, you have to first start to be able to receive them from yourself. If you don’t feel you are worthy of them, then how do you expect others to give them to you. When others see the difference in how you are treating yourself, they will start to do so, as well. The beauty of all of this is, that now you will have even more to give and share of yourself and thus, your relationships will begin to grow and flourish even more so and so will You. In order to grow your relationships, you must be growing yourself. You are truly Amazing and you need to start treating yourself that way.

#3 Being Present and the Core Of Peace: One of the ways of continually filling yourself up is to Live in the Now! When you live in the present, you are not worrying about what you can’t change about the past and you’re not preoccupied with the future. By living in the moment, you tend to make better decisions as your focus is on the present. It’s not to say, look ahead to your child's school play or what to make for dinner. Take time out of your day to devote a few minutes to going over your family’s schedule on a calendar and perhaps writing out a list of the things that are a priority. But always being preoccupied with all the things that you need to do, just makes you feel even more overwhelmed. By being present and living in the now, it helps you to have inner peace.

This is Core Of Peace: Pray,mediate, do breathing exercises, yoga or whatever it is that helps you to get to that peaceful place inside of you. Journaling, along with some of the other things I suggested brings clarity and focus, not to mention a very peacefulness. I do all of these except for yoga everyday. When my day starts to slip away from me and gets a bit overwhelming, I usually realize that I am missing not doing one or more of these and I immediately take the time to do so. Consider it your inner compass, and it will help you get to where you want to go without getting lost. An example having inner peace and was able to allow my inner compass, my gut feelings, guide me was when my mother passed away a couple of years ago. We did not realize that at the time she was diagnosed with leukemia that she would be gone within five weeks or so. Just following my inner compass, and canceling a trip to be able to fly and spend time with her gave me four of the five weeks to be with her. I had flown home after two weeks and then had to fly back a week later, but during those final two weeks, I remember feeling grateful that I did not miss those weeks with her. I also, remember walking down the hall of the hospital as I stayed there 24/7 and helped take care of her for the reminder of her time, I would say to myself, “Don’t live with any regret.” Being present and being at my core of peace, actually made that time with her not only bearable, but even beautiful and at times full of laughter. We celebrated who she was as well as her life.

#4 Gratitude: Every morning as I go out on my porch and sip my coffee, I also have a BIG heaping of gratitude. Having gratitude for where you are in this very moment, for who you have in your life and for even what you have is so vital. You may not want to be where you are right now, but by giving gratitude it opens your heart to receive even more. When you have true gratitude, you can’t have fear at the same time. We all know that fear lends to stress, so by being grateful you will alleviate that. As you become more and more grateful, it starts to become second nature to you. I also learned, the hard way,that it’s not just being grateful for when everything is going well. If you can get grateful even when there is adversity in your life, that is when life starts to take on a whole new wonderful meaning. Start a Gratitude Journal, if you haven't done so already. Every day whether you choose the morning, the middle of the day or in the evening, write why you are grateful for the Amazing people, opportunities, as well as things in your life. Start by being grateful for the person that you are and look to find the wonderful things that you are and do. Also, reflect and even write down as you journal, what kind of person do I want to be more so today and everyday. Ask yourself, do I need to be even more kinder, compassionate, etc. Keep in mind though, that you need to be filling yourself up with even more of these in order to be able to do so. By getting into the feeling of gratitude, you start to eventually live in a constant state of gratitude, thus not living in fear and stress.

#5 Shower Yourself: No, I don’t mean that kind of shower, which reminds me I need to take one, lol. Shower yourself with love, praise, kindness, honor, respect, trust, and yes, here’s a BIGGIE…forgiveness. When you can truly start doing these consistently, your life and your relationships will take on a whole other meaning. It is okay to give yourself praise, I will say sometimes to my husband, “I am very proud of myself, for whatever it may be.” Guess what, my husband has started to praise me, as well. I am not saying to be full of yourself, but giving yourself the acknowledgment of doing something well is very vital. When you do so, you are more likely going to have even more things that you may attempt to do, because of that. You have to be your own support system. It is nice to get it from others, but when you fill yourself up with everything you need, you are now feeling that you are enough. When you feel this way, you won't be going to your relationships being needy and just taking trying to fill yourself up to fill that empty void that you are feeling. You will now be in a peaceful place to start really giving and sharing the Best you!

Here are some exercises that you can do daily to truly start loving yourself UNCONDITIONALLY:

  • Look at yourself in the eyes in a mirror
  • Continue to have eye contact with yourself
  • Repeat: “I love you very much {your 1st name}, you are perfect just the way you are”
  • As you are continuing to look in the mirror in your eyes, tell yourself why you are so lovable
  • Continue to tell yourself all the good that you did that day {be sincere}
  • When you are having a bit of a challenging day, look at yourself in the mirror and ask, “How you doing, sweetie?”

… I know some of you reading this are probably thinking, some people think loving yourself is vain, and I don’t want people to think that of me. But it really isn’t, as you are a person that has self worth. You need to start treating yourself with love and respect. When you do this, you will start to automatically find things to love and respect about yourself even more. Also, when you look in the mirror and into your eyes, it forces you to really be honest with yourself. One of the reasons, that you may experience not having inner peace at times is because of the some of the stories that you try to tell yourself. Most of us, try to tell ourselves some whopper of ones, I know I have, lol. Also, during your day, say to yourself, “I love and accept myself,” this will continue to reinforce it.

"Make a personal decision to be in love with the most beautiful, exciting, worthy person ever – you. Then and only then will the world love you."

The Daily Guru

You maybe thinking, what does this have to do with my relationship with my partner or with my children, etc. It has EVERYTHING to do with it!!! If you don’t love yourself, how are you going to believe that someone can truly love you. I know in my past relationships and even in my first marriage, I couldn’t understand how the other person could possibly love me it’s sad, but true! It wasn’t until I truly embraced who I really was and loved myself, that I finally believed that somebody could really truly love me. Now, when my amazing husband tells me he loves me, I believe him!

… As you grow to love yourself even more, you will be able to start easily forgiving yourself for things that you may not have been able to do so in the past. As you learn to forgive yourself, you will learn to forgive others in your life, as well. The more that you can do this, the more inner peace you will have.
Let's do this together!

Please share your thoughts in the comment section below. I'd love to hear from you! :)

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Are you having relationship problems now? If you would like more help with this, send an email to Susan@SusanCanHelpMe.com and in the subject line put, “Free Consultation.” Susan will give a free 30 minute consultation to answer any pressing questions that you may have. Please include 3 different times you are available, she is EST. You are so WORTH it!

Susan Preston is a Relationship Consultant, specializing in putting the RELATE back into relationships. With her unique philosophy, Susan helps you to discover your true magnificence and how to embrace it. She will provide you with all the necessary tools to successfully enhance your relationships. For more information about Susan Preston visit her official website at Susancanhelpme.com

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{ 52 comments… read them below or add one }

denny hagel November 27, 2011

Fantastic article! EVERYTHING begins within us…and this is a great reminder! Thanks!

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Solvita Bennett December 1, 2011

Thank you Denny! :)

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Anastasiya Day November 27, 2011

Brilliant article Susan! Thank you Solvita for posting this article! I agree: ” You can’t expect to be able to give to others and not feel empty if you are not giving to yourself first”. This is a great reminder and great tips!

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Susan Preston December 1, 2011

You are so welcome, Anastasiya! Absolutely, you can’t expect to give to others and not feel empty. I might add where the challenge comes in is to continually fill yourself up. Once one does that consistently, not only will they feel great about themselves, but their relationships as well. Thank you :)

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Tamarah November 27, 2011

I was just talking about this topic last night! Thank you for the very practical steps and solutions & for taking the time to share.

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Solvita Bennett December 1, 2011

Thank you Tamarah! It is great to see you here!

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Shahina November 27, 2011

A great article. Some very simple and practical tips. Thanks for sharing.

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Solvita Bennett December 1, 2011

Thank you Shahina ~ Appreciate your comment!

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Crystal November 27, 2011

This is valuable…so many people could use this. Looking inward takes practice and what a great way to get started by following your recipe for relationship peace! :)

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Solvita Bennett December 1, 2011

Thank you Crystal for stopping by and your great comment!

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Scott Hay November 27, 2011

Great article and a wonderful reminder of the importance of looking inwards. We must be in a good place to give our best to others. Thank you!

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Solvita Bennett December 1, 2011

This is true, without being an a good place there is nothing that we can give or share 😉 Thank you Scott!

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Hughie Bagnell November 28, 2011

Thank you for these 5 tips to keep our tanks full and achieve inner peace! An excellent article…Thank you for sharing, Hughie

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Solvita Bennett December 1, 2011

Thank you Hughie! :)

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Jennifer Bennett November 28, 2011

Love the article and love Susan! Thanks so much for sharing Solvita! Praying your day is as wonderful as you are!

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Susan Preston December 1, 2011

Thank you, Jennifer. We appreciate you. Have a blessed day!

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Carol Giambri November 29, 2011

Thanks for sharing the amazing Susan with us — The Relationship Queen as I call her. Great info Solvita. Always know how to give us calm and peace wisdom.

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Solvita Bennett December 1, 2011

Thank you Carol! It is great to see you here!

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Claudia Looi November 29, 2011

Great article Susan and Solvita. I like the practical exercises and quote.

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Susan Preston December 1, 2011

Thank you, Claudia. Have a wonderful day :)

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Lorrie November 30, 2011

Thanks, this is great advice. Earlier this week I was with a group of women friends and we were discussing the importance of gratitude. The consciuous practice of gratitude is such a game changer! Thanks for putting it in the context of these other practices.

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Sherie November 30, 2011

Absolutely brilliant post with so much valuable info! Loving ourselves is critical…..great step by step exercise to begin that process. Thank you for the wonderful words, they will be such comfort and help to a lot of people!

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Solvita Bennett December 1, 2011

Thank you Sherie, Susan will be glad to hear this! :)

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Dr. Daisy Sutherland November 30, 2011

WoooHooo!! I love Susan and the wonderful messages she shares…thanks for another wonderful post:)

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Solvita Bennett December 1, 2011

Thank you Dr. Daisy! :)

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AJ November 30, 2011

These same principles apply to business also.
I love the part about limiting beliefs, they can be destructive.
Great article,
AJ

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Solvita Bennett December 1, 2011

This is so true AJ! Thank you for your comment!

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Julie Weishaar November 30, 2011

Why do I want to start singing Billy Joel’s “Just The Way You Are”? :) Great post Susan and thanks Solvita for sharing it!

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Susan Preston December 1, 2011

That song is very fitting, Julie. So many times we look to change others that we have a relationship with, but they may be happy with themselves…just the way that they are 😉 Thank you :)

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Sibyl December 1, 2011

I love number 3, Be Present, Live in the Now! I love the advice Susan, great post.

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Susan Preston December 1, 2011

Thanks, Sibyl. When we are present and in living in the now, we can’t be bringing up the past and we aren’t spending so much time wondering what the future holds. Loving someone moment by moment is so Powerful.

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Lorii Abela December 1, 2011

This is awesome! Everything related to what is important was captured. There are occasions wherein individuals are so focused on giving such that they have forgotten to give themselves what they deserved. Everybody is deserving. This is article is a reminder that “I love myself.”

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Solvita Bennett December 1, 2011

Great that you have developed this ability to love you, this will help to share your love with others and also feel a lot of compassion towards people… which in return can enrich the world in many ways.

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Lisa Birnesser December 1, 2011

This was another exceptional article by Susan! filling yourself with love,acceptance and learning forgiveness makes such a huge difference in the quality of life you lead. But seriously, I do want to hang out on your front porch sometime- it sounds like such a magical place to just be. Thank you!

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Solvita Bennett December 1, 2011

Susan made an incredible effort in delivering her unique and beautiful message… magical place is every time when you are able to connect to the Higher-Self… However Susan’s porch sounds good, she might invite you Lisa to join :) Thank you!

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Deborah December 1, 2011

You are such a Sweet, Warm, Caring and Giving Heart Solvita, thanks for being You!

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Solvita Bennett December 10, 2011

Thank you Deb! I have to say I am so honored to have Susan share her amazing perspective! It is great to see you here! :)

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Nancy Olson, The Celiac Warrior December 2, 2011

Great and very important steps to take. Thanks for the reminders!

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Solvita Bennett December 10, 2011

Thank you Nancy!

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Norma Doiron @Living|Healthy|Wealthy|Wise December 2, 2011

As always, Susan related a wonderful post. The one thing that hits the most for me is Gratitude. Totally transforms your life, your outlook, your focus… and lets the magic in. Thanks Solvita for sharing this post from Susan with us! x0x0x
The LEARNED Preneur at NormaDoiron.NET

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Solvita Bennett December 10, 2011

She is a masterful Relationship consultant! Thank you so much for stopping by Norma!

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Molly Rider December 2, 2011

What a fantastic article! I was hooked from: If You Are Having Relationship Problems…You Have More Than One!
You truly moved to the center of our relationship issues….our own relationship with ourselves. I resonated with your tips as well, especially the first one: Let Yourself Be. Sometimes this is the hardest thing for me to do…just be…without judgement or concern.
Thank you for the awesome reminder.
Such a fantastic guest blog :)

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Solvita Bennett December 10, 2011

This is so true Molly, we like to blame “them” if relationship is not going the way we expect… it is not about “them” at the end … it is all about us :)

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Michele December 4, 2011

Solvita and Susan,
Thanks to you both for this wonderful article. I love the 5 steps to Inner Peace. This is a continual process for me. Learning more and more. I have kept some form of gratitude journal on and off for a long time. But still have more to do.

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Solvita Bennett December 10, 2011

Thank you Michele! We all are learning… there is no end …only unfolding and I love it so much! :)

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Jill McCarthy February 22, 2012

Thank you so much. I needed this right now.

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Susan Preston February 22, 2012

You are so welcome, Jill. We appreciate you, thank you. Enjoy, the rest of your week :)

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Liz February 22, 2012

As Always you are 2 of my favorite Ladies!!! You inspire me and make me better each time I read and listen!!! I hope you know you both are sources of strength to me!

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Susan Preston February 22, 2012

Thank you, so much Liz. That means the world to us. We think that you are Amazing! {hugs}

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avajos December 9, 2012

this is the most wonderful and helpfull piece i hav evr red….susan…thanks a lot…could u post more stuff about self worth..??

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Solvita Bennett December 16, 2012

Dear Avajos, I am so pleased you liked this wonderful article by Susan, she is truly amazing. This is her site: http://www.susancanhelpme.com :)

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Valeria Monnier January 22, 2015

Hello Susan and readers

Today I did a Google search on “how to remain positive through a divorce” and came across your website. Your articles so far present a high level of self awareness and emotional intelligence. Many people, including myself, spend money on books and courses on how to increase EI and learn self respect, love, kindness, compassion, forgiveness. I appreciate you for sharing your knowledge/life experiences on this wonderful website.

Cheers!
Valeria

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